Updated: Sep 15, 2019
What is a soulmate? I've always thought in theory it was someone who is meant to be with you in your life. It didn't have to be exclusively a romantic partner, it could also be a good friend or a family member. And somehow before this life we all knew each other and decided to jump into this life together with amnesia. Of course this was the romantic young version of myself that was so full of grandiose ideals. As I got older, I thought love was a chance, that could happen anywhere at anytime, and that we all met each other by chance. That was what my scientific mind wanted to believe, and I felt good about it. That I was smart and not letting my emotions get in the way. Later on in life I would have my heart broken in a major way, which only reinforced my scientific mind. This was all by chance, and sometimes we get hurt, because there is no meaning, we just are what we are.
If anyone had asked me a year ago if things like true love or soulmates were real, I would have spit out my drink. The coming events of 2019 would change my perspective, and it would all happen so very fast. The year was 2018, I was very depressed, and alone. I was in a dark place. I had just beaten cancer by a thin margin. I had spent so much time in warrior mode that I never had a chance to deal with the pieces of my fragmented life, and all the parts of me that I had lost.
My marriage at the time didn't survive, I was left. I had begged her not to leave me to no avail. I thought that was it for me. My face had been cut off and sewn back on. My body was a wreck, and so was my soul. Love for sure was not going to be something I was going to experience in this life. So I went about my business. I made sure my kids were taken care of, got them off to school every day, took them to practice after school. I had a reason to be here, but still I was very alone, and when I was in my room alone at night, I would just sink into the depths of depression. That I was always going to be alone, and what would become of me once my children were all grown. I wasn't so far gone, to the depths of suicide, but I was close. I had my kids and would never do that to them. But I did pray at night, for it to all end. I would pray to god to just take me in an honorable way. I did not want to be a part of this world anymore.
At the end of December 2018 I had the strangest dream. I don't remember the exact date, but it was right before the new year. The dream was so weird and it's a little crazy, and I know exactly how it sounds. I'm not very comfortable sharing it and I've only told one person about it. In the dream I was in a temple somewhere, I don't know where or how I got there, but there I was. It was beautiful, with beautiful art everywhere. Paintings and sculptures, white marble floors. The place was immaculate, and I had never seen such beautiful art in all my life. There were other people there that were dressed in all white.
I thought I was dreaming for sure, and now that I had figured it out I was expecting to wake up at any minute... but I didn't. I started pinching myself, I felt it. Still I wasn't convinced that this was real. So I started touching all the art, feeling it with my own hands. I was feeling it. I could feel the texture of the sculptures. That's when I noticed the people dressed in white were staring at me. I wasn't dressed in white and I stuck out. Plus I had a bad feeling that was breaking etiquette by touching the art. But I didn't feel judged, they looked at me more like an infant that didn't know any better. So I stopped doing that, and the thought entered my head. "I must be dead." I couldn't remember how I died though. "How did I die?" I thought I had amnesia about it and was grateful. Maybe I didn't want to know. I thought of all the pain and suffering the last few years had brought, and I was very happy that I was, where I was.
I started to walk around the temple and look at all the beautiful artwork on the walls. It's like they had a life on their own, and that they were various different forms of heaven. They were all very different but the people in them looked very happy, and I felt what they felt, I was experiencing it when I stared at the art.
That's when a girl all dressed in white approached me. She was holding a clipboard that was like a computerized clipboard. She started asking me questions, like who I was and how I had got there. I told her who I was and that I didn't know how I got here. I couldn't remember. She started looking me up on the clipboard thing. I asked her about the beautiful paintings. She told me that I was right, that they were various heavens, and that people go to one where they feel the most comfortable. Where they could feel safe with people that they share the same ideals. I thought wow how cool, and I asked her which one I was going to. She told me I wasn't going to any of them. I felt a little panicked. Why?
She brought me to a window, that showed me a huge planet out in space. And she said, "You and your wife are going there." It was so strange. I was flabbergasted, but also super happy at the same time. I have a wife here! I was so happy that I wouldn't be alone. I must have had some soulmate that I couldn't remember. "No," she said. "You don't have a wife here, she's still back where you came from. The place isn't ready yet, and you aren't supposed to be here."
I told her that she was mistaken, and that I didn't have a wife back at home.
"Not yet but you will."
I was happy to hear that, but still I didn't want to go back. "Can't I just wait here for her?"
The next thing I knew, I was laying down flat in a canoe going down a stream, in a state of sleep paralysis. I didn't want to go back and i was fighting it. I couldn't move and I struggled to open my eyes. I tried hard, but I couldn't budge.
I got my eyes to open a little, and I could see the sky above me as I floated downstream. Up in the air I could see a being flying, it had very large white wings. I was struggling trying hard to wake up, because I did not want to go back. I struggled to get my eyes to open all the way, and when I did, I was in my bed. I was awake... I was really awake.
"What the... just happened?" It seemed so real but it was just a dream. I woke up and went about my life. The new year came a few days later, and it was 2019. That's when I started writing my book "The Essence", which is a fictional story. It's an idea I'd had way back in high school many years ago, but I never wrote it. The storyline was just to complicated and I hadn't thought I was a good enough writer to write it. So I dug in and made it a New Year's resolution.
Writing gave me a sense of purpose, and I started feeling less depressed. It became like an addiction. I wrote my heart out every day, developing some really cool characters, attributing all my emotions into them. I stamped it with a piece of my soul. I was really starting to come out of the darkness to a place I liked. And I started making these silly videos of me singing, and putting them on my facebook story. I was proud of myself because I had taught myself to speak again. I still struggle with speech, but when I'm singing I feel like it doesn't matter, just hit the notes.
It was towards the end of February 2019, when my long time friend Kristie took notice of my singing. We had known each other since we were 12. We went to junior high and then went to high school together and maintained a friendship over the years. We had always had a weird connection, felt like we had even known each other even before this life, and felt like we just had amnesia. We even both took similar paths after high school, she had joined the Air Force, while I had joined the Marines. Both of us married and had children, and both were now not married, under circumstance of betrayal.
She was building me up, telling me my singing sounded good, being a good friend like always. She knew I was going through a rough time. We talked all night about old times and about an old mutual friend, that we had both lost contact with. We ended the conversation like we always do. She said, "I love you homeslice."
Usually I say I love you too homeslice, but this time I said it a little differently. I left off the homeslice and just said, "I love you too."
That night I had a dream about her, she was telling me something about her feet hurting and I was rubbing them which was really weird because we were just friends. It was completely strange because I'm not really a foot person. She started rubbing my feet back, it was so weird. "That's how it's supposed to be." She said. "It's not just you doing it, love is when we both do it."
The next day I told her about the dream, we were close like that and weren't embarrassed to share things. We had a very trusting friendship. She laughed, and thought it was so weird because she had been struggling with her feet, they were messed up from when she was in the Air Force, but I didn't know that. Maybe subconsciously?
We started talking more and more. Obsessively it became everyday all day long. Something magical was happening. We spilled our souls to each other. I let her know that I had always had a crush on her, and she told me she had always had one on me. Why did we not ever date? For some reason we both respected our friendship. We were sure that we had known each other going back to before we were born. They were memories that were like an itch that we couldn't scratch. We made it official and started dating. We couldn't get enough of each other. We were so obsessed that we even made the song "Obsession" our song. We were both quite aware of how crazy we appeared, but we didn't care. We were very mushy in a very public way, all over each other's facebooks in a very public way. I didn't care how crazy it looked though, neither did she, we deeply loved each other going back lifetimes.
Spring break was coming up and we had made plans to spend two weeks together on a mini vacation. I had to see her, and she had to see me. She was having class up in Seattle for those two weeks and the company she worked for was putting us up. So we made plans for what would become the most amazing two weeks of our lives.
The time came fast, I was planning out our dates, while she was class. We went on a different type of date every night. While I was in the hotel lobby one morning I discovered there was a minor league hockey team and their rink was within walking distance from the hotel. I walked to the rink and got us tickets, and it was a playoff game.
At that time I had forgotten about that dream I had had back in December. We had the most amazing time. The home team was down by 2 goals with a minute left. Some of fans had left the rink, but we stayed. Our team amazingly scored twice to tie it up then went on to win it.
We walked back hand in hand. We were cutting thru a park that led back to where we were staying. Loud music was blaring on some speakers at the park. She made a comment about how weird that was, and then came on our song, "Obsession" which isn't a super popular song. She pushed me in a friendly manner, with an expression of "How?" I looked at her told her i had nothing to do with that. It was just her and I in the moonlight sharing and amazing strange moment together. There wasn't another soul around. I thought no way would there ever be a better time than this. I immediately popped the question. She said, "Yes" right away with zero hesitation. We were married a few days later at the "Kurt Cobain Park" And we've been happily married ever since. We never take each other for granted.
I didn't know what to make of it all. All the weird coincidences, how close we've always been. I was not a believer in stuff like this, and then it happened. And to be truthful, I don't care much if others think it's crazy. I get that, I'm a skeptical person. But it really doesn't matter. The important part is that I'm here, and I get to experience this.
Today could be the worst day of your life, but never let go, never give up completely. Because you never know... Tomorrow could be the best day of your life.